Sunday Stroke Survival: Give Yourself Permission

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, April 3, 2016

I had a revelation, of sorts, while I was in the process of moving from my old home to my new one that I wanted to share with y'all.

Packing up to move is nobody's idea of fun. In fact, it's one of the top ten stress causing items on the list of major stress factors that heavily impact your well being. It's near the top like death of a spouse or loved one. Lord knows, I was already up to my eyeballs with that stress factor.

Moving after a stroke is no picnic.What to take. What to sell. What to donate. What to trash. All these decisions were up to little, old me. ALONE. Before, it was a couples or family thing. To top it off, I was seriously down sizing. I am going from an over 2,000 sq ft house to one less than 200. One-tenth and I had stuff galore to fill my 2,000+ sq ft when you count the attic, and out buildings. For weeks before the move, I never felt so ill prepared for a move in my entire life!

My favorite stress pic

I was hit full force with what I could do and what I could not do. There was a whole lot I just physically could not do. It wasn't that I wasn't trying. The spirit was willing, but my body couldn't. That's a bitter pill for my never-say-die attitude. To fill one box took about forty trips from where whatever it was was to the box and back again. The fact that my left side was weaker, yes even after almost four years, than my right before my stroke was a major tell. I could only carry a few things at a time to be placed in the box. That's if I didn't want to leave a trail of items between one place and another. That meant small loads, one or two items at best.

Sunday Stroke Survival: What You See...

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Credit

Ever hear, you are a product of your environment? When learning how to write, you are told show don't tell. It's basically the same thing. When you involve the senses everything in a person is touched along the neural network to the brain.

The setting of the surroundings have a positive or negative impact on the results you want to achieve. The same is true for stroke or brain injury survivors. Are you surprised?

With my youngest daughter, TBI survivor, too much stimulus would cause her to have a multifocal seizure, but if she could get to her "quiet room," a sensory deprivation closet, she could definitely reduce the effects of the seizure activity into a less violent one. We built one in our home in a walk in closet. It was padded with a sound barrier foam on the walls and ceiling, and painted black. Yes, it sounds extreme, but if you ever witnessed how bad her seizures were on her and those around her, you'd understand. She once threw off three grown men during one such attack who were trying to restrain her. She's awoken in the morning black and blue from seizures in her sleep. She actually fractured her wrist one night.

I'd read where this could happen, so we were prepared. I didn't fully understand it until I had my stroke. I would go into sensory overload if more than two people were talking to me or around me at once. My brain just couldn't hack it. I would close my eyes and fend sleep just so they would all go away. Thankfully, these effects have diminished now that the initial damage to my brain has been reached.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Even More on Putting Words in my Mouth

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Back in April 2015, I wrote on my expressive aphasia. My goodness! Has it been that long ago? Then again January 31, 2016 and heck, even last Sunday. For someone who has aphasia, I write quite a bit about it. This will be my 78th article.  In case anybody is counting. I'm raising an eyebrow at John over at the Stroke Tattler because he always counts when he searches my blogs for articles. "Beat you to it." :oP He usually sends me a note.

Why you may wonder...because my readers keep asking questions about it. Who are these readers?

Well, stroke or brain injury survivors like me, caregivers, even a few research study type people, and speech therapy students. But I'm no expert, but I'm living through it like others like me. The only difference is I can talk about it and even sound knowledgeable. Yes, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express...see below.

The fact is, many folks suffering with aphasia do not have my gift of gab. This stems from my background of being medically trained and an author. Although this blog and emails are about the only things I write these days. My brain just can't handle the workload involved with public speaking and creation of stories. I suppose, one day, I could compile all these blogs into a book, but honestly who would pay for something than can get for free. I write about aphasia because I can. Lord knows, I write better than I speak. That's only because of the delete key and ability to edit.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Argh! Said The Pirate!

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, March 6, 2016

It's always been my way to make even the most tedious things fun or funny. I mean if you can't have fun it's just hard work or just down right b-o-r-i-n-g. At other times, it has staved off fear or discomfort like with my cancer treatments. I lost all my hair, so I wore absolutely wonderful silk scarves and humongous earrings. This was my gypsy fortune teller garb. Yes, I even drew on mysterious eyebrows with a pencil and supplemented my eyelashes with falsies. It kept everyone guessing plus it kept my exterior point of view active. At the time, I was foretelling my future. I was going to live and beat cancer.

I created rhymes for cadence for my #2 daughter's rehab stretches as a child. I've even done a few ditties for my own PT exercises. If not exactly fun, it gives my mind another focus. My physical therapist now knows when I hum or use a sing-songy voice, what he's doing is hurting me. It's the way I cope and get through what has to be done. When I can no longer do this when coping with the pain...it's way too much pain.

I was ever so thankful to get past the monotone speech phase of my relearning how to talk with aphasia as you can imagine. It was a double scoop of ice cream with sprinkles kind of days when little by little I got my intonations back. I still don't have all of them back, but I can get my point across. It's part of who I am and how I communicate. Whether I physically don exterior costumes or not, my attitude has always been a big part of my voice of who I am.  I can drip sarcasm with a roll of my eyes, cut someone to ribbons with insults and have them believe them as compliments until after I'm long gone, and I can give you a big part of me and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's true. And, all it takes is the way I express myself with words and what you perceive on a nonverbal level. For someone with aphasia, this kind of "play acting" is important as communication skills also because the words are not always there. Anything that breaks you out of the rut and frustration of trying to communicate with others is a very useful tool.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Making the Inacessible Accessible

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, February 28, 2016

As a physically disabled person, safe accessibility is of paramount importance. Having clear, level walkways makes sense right? Having accessibility in the home you lived in before your stroke is another issue entirely. Not everyone can afford to buy a more accessible house. Most of us just have to make do.

I'll use my current home, the house I'm moving to and our future home as examples.

My current home- when I came home from the rehab hospital, I had a few aids that I didn't have before like a portable toilet, bath chair, a hemi walker, and a wheelchair. That's just some very basic equipment. My house was built in 1959. It was only partially accessible before we bought it. I was technically disabled by my spine injury and bionic joints prior to its purchase. I knew my limitations like a flight of steps. Yes, I could climb stairs, but at times it was a scary proposition. The idea of climbing them several times a day made it a hardship issue. So a single story house was searched for and found. The house is not without steps though. There are two small steps and a door jamb to get into the front door. There was also a six-inch step down into the back room we slated as my office. This wasn't a deal breaker at the time. Of course, only the front and back doors were 36" wide.

Jump ahead almost seventeen years. My husband's medical condition worsens to where he cannot walk and I have a stroke. Those little steps posed a problem and ramps had to be built. My lower kitchen cabinets become impossible to see and reach inside. The top shelves in my upper cabinets also become inaccessible because I have to step up on a stool to reach them. Sliding and drop down baskets had to be installed to make them usable and handicapped friendly. In fact, my house was going through an expansion/renovation at the time of my stroke was a good thing. Although most of the money saving DIY projects had to be outsourced because I was physically unable to do them. Insulation and dry wall hanging are best left to someone with good balance and two hands. Especially ceilings. :o Not that I didn't think about it.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Statements That Make Me Angry

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, February 21, 2016

There are few words or statements that make me red faced angry and want to scream at the person saying them. I'm usually a quiet fighter, and a behind the scenes type advocate, but sometimes I get my dandruff raised and it makes me yell from the rooftop at the stupidity of the person voicing the trite, too often said rhetoric that I read as "I can't be bothered to deal with you anymore." I'll become the champion on my white horse and gird my armor for battle. As with this case...

This case came to my attention a few weeks ago. A young woman (37) with two young children (under the age of five) had a stroke. She had a promising career as a teacher before her stroke. After she hit the post stroke prime, six-month window passed, she was told her recovery was as good as it will ever get. In fact, her insurance was now balking at paying for any other treatment pertaining to her stroke because of this one neurologist's charted note. I'm thankful her neurologist wasn't mine, but now she is a patient of my neurologist and is back in therapies (OT, PT, Speech). :o) Now that she has met the right people, me included, she is fighting the system. She's too young to start giving up. She has too much to live for and yet achieve.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Spasticity Revisited

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Well, I went to the orthopedist again for a follow-up on my shoulder. The good news is that he is no longer strongly suggesting surgery to fix my shoulder. The bad news, dropping the other shoe, is that he said, "It's as good as it's gonna get post stroke and with the spasticity."

I wanted to scream back at him that I needed my right shoulder almost fully functional like it was prior to this event. But I didn't. I bit my tongue because he was partially right.

The spasticity is a major player in my life right now. It mimics a frozen shoulder and arm on bad days. But at least now I can say "on bad days" instead of constantly. That a huge improvement. Unfortunately, my office visit was a couple of days past a tumble for me. I can always count on being more spastic after a fall. At least for a few days. Then my body will recover to it's dry needling success stance of minor spasticity.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Gone Are The Days, BUT It Will Be Again

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, February 7, 2016

If you read my last post on how my brain sees things now post strokes, then it should be no huge surprised that I'm now considered learning disabled too. Yeah, I still love word clouds also.

So how is all the shortcomings in reading comprehension listed? Funny enough, exactly how I described my my brain in the beginning... dyslexic/ADD. I called it that before I had my psych evaluation, oh, about three years ago and I hit it exactly head on. How did I do this? Was it some previous clairvoyant talent? Nope, not at all. My daughter showed me the way. She's a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) survivor. Over the decades, I watched and taught her through her reading comprehension issues. I was a writer and still have a keen sense of observation.

By watching her deal with this disability, I was taught how to deal with mine. All I have to do is remember what she did with such grace. Always, always with an uncompromising sense of humor that is truly Jenn. If I taught her by example how to be this way, how could I do any less.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Reading is Fundamental

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Remember this?


Standard YouTube License @ Big Idea Mastermind group
Circa 1973

Okay. I apologize. Some of y'all are much younger than I am. RIF (Reading is Fundamental) is the largest nonprofit organization for literacy in the US and it was founded way back in 1966. Yes, I remember back that far too. Their goal was to put a book in every child's hand to encourage reading. It's a fabulous group. So what does this have to do with stroke survival? Well, I was getting to that.

One of the areas I was hit hardest by my strokes was in the ability to read written words and follow it through with comprehension. This may boggle your mind because I'm writing and editing this blog. The brain after a stroke or other insult injury is a curious thing. Yes, I used the word "insult" on purpose. According to my dictionary it means...

Sunday Stroke Survival: An Another Six Million Dollar Word and Stroke Recovery

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Okay, this week I'm starting this week with a song.


Standard YouTube License @ 4TheDarkGames

No, I don't have this phobia, but it seems to fit today's topic for discussion.

Science is grand for coming up with humongous words to describe something simple. Today's term is neuroregeneration. It's a six million dollar word for regrowth of nerves.

A few years ago, I talked about this here on my blog having experienced it first hand after a back surgery deadened all feeling in both legs from the calf down. It took two years for the nerves to start regrowing enough to regain the sensation back in my feet. It came back in quarter size increments until there was only quarter sized increments of no feeling. I'm talking about full thickness loss of sensation. Example-I stepped on a nail and it inserted clear through my shoe and out the top of my shoe, and I didn't feel it. Now I feel everything when it comes to my calf down after twenty years.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Ya Gotta Love Those Mini Tropical Vacations

Jo MurpheyThe Murphey Saga

Sunday, January 10, 2016

I keep telling y'all, it's all about attitude. How you perceive things in and around you can make or break whether you are content and happy, or miserable and unhappy.

The way you function after a stroke is no different. You are more likely to be more productive and successful with a positive attitude than a grumpy, discontented, and negative attitude.

It's a fact of life that, if you are female, the change of life (menopause) will occur if you live long enough. One of the side effects of this is hot flashes. I look at these as personal global warming events or mini tropical vacations. They are absolutely miserable in the height of summer or a welcome burst of heat in the winter. Everybody and their sister touts a "fix" for this condition. It's that big of a thing. A huge multi billion dollar industry is devoted to relieving them.

My conjecture is... why bother? Yes, it's a physiological body reaction to the end of the productive cycle of your life, by why try to fix something that is natural and unbroken. Just like the real global warming, be it man made, or a natural occurring cycle... it happens. Accept it and move on. It's all about attitude.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Updates and Therapy

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Monday, January 4, 2016

So I'm a day late and a dollar short this week, sue me because you can't get blood out of a stone. You will understand after you read this. I've had a week from hell.

First of all, my father survived his heart attack has now been moved out of the CCU. He's still on heavy doses of Heparin to reduce the chance of another heart attack and the possibility of having a stroke. Physical therapy has been in and they are walking him short distances. Needless to say, that the blockage and the subsequent death of part of his heart muscle limits what he can do. It's a rough adjustment he'll have to make and he doesn't like it at all.

This past weekend (Friday through Sunday) felt like it was ten days worth of activity for me. In between visits to the hospital, I have been the go between for my father and his condition for the rest of the family. Although I didn't see them at Christmas, this weekend made up for it. I saw and talked with each one of my brothers and sisters, my children and everyone's children and grandchildren that are old enough to be on their own. Not to mention my aunts, uncles and cousins. That's a passel of of phone calls, text messages, and emails. My unlimited cell phone plan got a work out for sure.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Life Isn't Fair

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Friday, January 1, 2016

Happy New Year everyone!

So how did you spend New Year's Eve? Was it spent partying and drinking with friends? Did you quietly watch the ball drop on the television and all the fireworks afterwards? Did you thank God that this year was over because it's been such a bad one for you? The new year has got to be better than the last one! I fall into the latter category as you can imagine.

New Year's Eve started just like any other day for me. I forgot it was the last day of the year. I really haven't exactly been in a celebratory mood for months. Sure there have been some happy moments that I'll cherish but nothing totally lifted me out of my grief. But I've put on a happy face and continued on.

I didn't even realize it was New Year's Eve until my physical therapist told me and asked if I had any plans or a special meal I fix for the occasion. All the while, he was searching for trigger points to deaden with dry needling.  I actually felt pretty good. The autumnal slump with my Botox was history and the new series was working as advertised. My shoulder which had a torn rotor cuff was healing, or at least wasn't painful when stretched. I'm actually 15 degrees away from full rotation again which pleases me to no end.

Stroke Survival: The Best Christmas Present Ever!

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

I got the best Christmas present ever! I had been playing phone tag with my DAS (Disability Adjudication Services) worker (for Social Security Disability) since Friday morning. For some unknown reason, my cell phone went straight to voice mail rather than ring through. We called each other several times each time getting each other's voice mail. Finally at four o'clock, I left the final message on her voice mail, "Tag you're it. We'll try to play again on Monday."

Contrary to my own motto of "Why borrow trouble by worrying," I spent the weekend in turmoil. I worried that the evaluation didn't turn out well and my days of independent living was over. I mean what else could it be? The psychologist said it would be a month before they got the test results. I did feel that I had done poorly on the testing after it was over. That was a alien feeling for me, who has aced almost every test since high school.

Twas the Night Before Christmas for the Indie Author

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Twas the night before Christmas, nothing could be brighter

Only one creature was stirring, and that was the writer.

My fingers were clicking the keyboard with care.

In hopes the new novel wouldn’t leave cupboards bare.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Some Days I Think I'm Fine...

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, December 20, 2015

I haven't talked much about my grieving widow side. That's about to change. Some days I think I'm fine and handling my grief okay, and then something happens that makes me fall apart like my beloved's death was yesterday. Yes the first year is toughest and a huge transition! It's hard. The least little thing will upset my calm. It's always unexpected.

For instance... Hospice called and asked if I could come and hangs my husband's angel on their remembrance Christmas tree. At first I said yes. Then as I was showering, I realized that I hadn't even been to his graveside since the funeral. I started crying and couldn't do it. It sounds like such a little thing to do, but for me it was impossible right now.

I was driving to physical therapy and a Christmas song came on the Christian radio station I listen to while driving. "A Different Kind of Christmas" by Mark Schultz.

Standard YouTube License @ MarkSchultzMusic1

It was the first time I've heard it. The tears started rolling down my cheeks so bad that I had to pull over.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Adventures in Christmas Baking

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Today is Christmas and I pray that each of you have a day full of love and companionship.

I decided that this year I would change things up and challenge myself. No, I didn't offer to do Christmas at my house. I'm still not ready or comfortable enough in my skill levels to take the challenge of 75 people in my home for dinner again yet.

Instead of my usual cake pops, Rudolf and Santas, I decided to bake an 8" cheesecake. Actually two of them. One went to a neighbor who elfed me this year. More on that in a bit.

This was a challenge/ adventure that almost undid me. My cheesecake takes about eight hours to make normally, but this was a twenty-four hour for each one. It's a good thing I started on Saturday) I made Double Chocolate and Peppermint Cheesecakes.

The first challenge was making chocolate refrigerator cookies for the solid base of the cheesecake. Mixing the cookie dough went fine thanks to the stand mixer daughter #2 got me last Christmas. But rolling it into tube and then in plastic wrap was a nightmare. After two hours of playing with it, I finally got them into the freezer to chill. Yeah, they are refrigerator cookies when you have the time to let them chill in the Fridgidaire overnight, but I wanted to bake these off in a few hours. Once chilled, I sliced cookies off the rolls and placed them on a couple large baking pans. I think this is the first tie I used my big oven this year. They turned out perfect. Transferring to cookies from the pan to e rack to cool was another matter. They stuck to the parchment paper. You wouldn't think that any cookie made with THREE pounds of real butter would stick to anything, but they did. Eventually, they all cooled, and then I crumbled them in my mini food processor.

Sunday Stroke Survival: Hog Tied

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, December 6, 2015

I'm going to be hog tied for the next couple of weeks with no time to write or edit. Going into the holidays my schedule explodes with doctor appointments:

• Dec 10th - Botox
• Dec 12th- Psych eval for Social Security Disability
• Dec 14th- Orthopedic for my torn rotator cuff
• Dec 21st- Cardiology

That's on top of my twice a week therapy sessions.

I've been busy knitting mini Christmas stockings for all my relatives. I'll be stuffing them with Sea salted caramels, chocolate dipped Pretzels, two types of fudge, and other goodies from my kitchen. So far I've gotten 50 stocking made. Only 15 left to make.

I still haven't learned to be in two places at once or growing more hands.

See the original article:

Sunday Stroke Survival: Hog Tied

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The Murphey Saga

Sunday Stroke Survival: Blech! Icky! Yuck!

Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Sunday, November 29, 2015

For the past two weeks, my positive attitude slipped to where it nonexistent. Not even once a blue moon does it happen. It's been years since I've had a full week with no redeeming qualities. I guess I was about due.

Maybe I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Wait I can only get up on one side of my bed, so that can't be it. Even if I could sleep in my bed. (I explain this farther down)  Nothing tastes good. Nothing feels good. And, all my little blessings that I count on for hope vanished. I was a horse rode hard and put up wet. Even today, it hasn't let up and I'm feeling depression creep in.

It started after I got a letter from Social Security. They have scheduled me for a competency evaluation. No one in my entire life has doubted my mental competency before. I'm the one everyone runs to with their problems. I have some cognitive issues since my stroke. I'll admit that freely. I can't add or subtract in my head anymore, but I always have a calculator handy. I can't count change correctly, but I mostly use my ATM card for that very reason. All my bills a guess-ti-matedly paid in advance until February.

Sunday Wednesday Stroke Survival: To California, I Went

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Me on the red carpet! EEK!
Jo Murphey
The Murphey Saga

Bet y'all are ready for an update on my trip to California. It was a whirlwind trip, that's for sure.

My preparations for the trip was no less of a minor tornado of activity also. I shopped for some cooler weather clothes, arranged for the animals to be taken care of, and packed. As I was packing, it hit me that my backpack wasn't going to be big enough so I grabbed my Samsonite duffle out of my closet. Everything fit in there perfectly. The only problem was I couldn't find the shoulder strap. I fiddled with it a few times to make sure I could hold it on my shoulder and walk. It would have to do, I thought as I went to bed. I'll make it manage.

Wouldn't you know the morning of my afternoon flight, my raw spot on my AFO clad foot would break open. Yep, an open pressure sore would definitely complicate things. I went to my doctor. He cut away the dead skin and gave me the usual ointment to promote healing, deaden some of the pain, and keep infection at bay. He had standing orders for me to keep off it. I crossed my fingers behind my back as I agreed to comply. There was no way to put off the premiere or the California trip.

This bag and I have traveled the world

I got home in time to grab my purse and my duffle. It all slung on my shoulder beautifully. I put them in my car and headed to the jet port. My airport doesn't have regular long term parking. It's park where you can and it's free. Because of my handicap license plate, I got a spot right by the front door. These are the perks of living in a small town. After I parked, I went to lift my purse and bag onto my shoulder, and wouldn't you know it, I couldn't get it to stay on my shoulder. Of course, I was juggling them as I pushed the button to lock my van. I didn't get the load seated right again after numerous attempts either.