We’ve all heard of work-life balance. Some people feel there is no such thing. Some lean more towards work and some more towards life. I was also struggling with work-life balance before the stroke. I worked three (long) days a week to spend more time at home with my family…but I actually worked from home every single day to make up for not being there in person. When I was home, it was a constant struggle…housework or zoo? home-cooked dinner or more time with the kids and a frozen pizza? As my kids are growing, I could sometimes integrate things a little more: make supper together, make a few phone calls for work while cuddling with my son.
Stroke-life balance isn’t something you hear much about… but for those who have had a stroke (or really have any other chronic medical condition that affects their stamina), it is a constant struggle. There are several reasons this is difficult:
- TIME. We are all given 24 hours in a day…but if you, like me, need to sleep for at least 12 of them to be halfway human, you’ve just cut out a big chunk of time.
- TIME, CONTINUED. Now consider that everything takes longer after a stroke. I used to be a 1 minute toothbrusher and a 3 minute showerer. Now it take me 20 minutes just to get ready to take a shower. I never noticed before that brushing my teeth is actually a multitude of other activities: turning the faucet, squeezing the toothpaste, brushing (which is really tricky!), spitting, rinsing my mouth (I always drink out of my hand for this one but still miss and throw water over my shoulder about a quarter of the time!), squeezing the mouth rinse, drinking from the tiny little cup without missing, swishing (bet you didn’t know that requires coordination), spitting again, wiping my mouth, putting everything away. Just brushing my teeth twice a day takes a surprisingly large chunk of my remaining time. I’ve started not brushing my hair on days I don’t leave the house…you can’t really tell anyway (I have a short haircut) and it saves so much effort!
- FATIGUE. Even within the time I have, I have to be cautious with the activities I choose. I can’t plan on driving 45 minutes to a friend’s house, spending a couple hours visiting, and then driving home again. Eliminating the commute is one of the major things that has allowed me to continue to work. Before, I might plan a couple activities in a row (say, take the kids to the playground to run off steam before going someplace where they have to be less rambunctious). Now, it’s one activity and then home again. My best socializing experience lately was a picnic at Belleview Park with a family my husband met. The husband/father of the family has MS. After eating lunch, we both relaxed in the shade while our spouses took the kids to ride on the train and then we went home exhausted with no hard feelings for not making conversation or staying later.
- THERAPY. Is this stroke or life? Going to the pool for an hour every week may seem like life (and for many people it is), but when going for therapy every week, it’s a little more like stroke and a little less like life. As a previously healthy young woman, I find the therapy classes I go to every week to be more difficult than a gym work out previously. It is difficult to just get changed and showered even separate from the pool time. And it is hard enough work that I need an extra nap…so on Thursdays when I do pool therapy, I don’t do much else. Regular PT is less exhausting, but also less fun!
- ISOLATION. There is some overlap between what I wrote here and what I wrote about Isolation After Stroke…rather than repeat myself anymore than I have already, I’m just going to link to my previous post. Isolation can get in the way of life!
- DIFFICULTY DOING ACTIVITIES. When something is difficult enough, it’s more of a chore than a pleasure. I used to enjoy knitting and scrapbooking. Now they feel a lot more like occupational therapy. It makes me kind of depressed to sit down with my scrapbooking things and feel a little burst of dread rather than relaxation as I did previously. I know that if I can stick to it, it will get easier and then I’ll enjoy it. But it’s hard to convince myself sometimes!
The last few weeks, despite everything I could think of, I’ve been doing a lot worse. More fatigued, falling more, more headaches, just generally miserable. Finally, I dropped tap and ballet (with great regret) because they were just plain too hard for me (even the absolute beginners classes with accommodations). This has taken a huge energy sink out of my week and started feeling (and functioning) better. I’ve stopped riding the bus. If the car isn’t running, I just stay home.
In return for those losses (and energy gains), I’m also started letting myself stay up just a little bit past the kids so I get a little kid-free time…but I’m completely exhausted the next morning. I’d backed off on the napping but I’m napping more again and am feeling better than I was previously. I’m doing more of the housework, which is enjoyable but uses up all my energy. And two hours of housework does not net me the same results it did before! We planned on starting pre-kindergarten homeschool for my son this year and I was determined to not let the stroke interfere with that so I’m spending time on that most days.
It’s all a work in progress. I can’t say there’s a time when I feel I’ve found the balance. I suspect there isn’t a balance to be found. But I’ll keep making adjustments to try to find something that works well for me and my family.
How do you try to achieve a stroke-life balance? What activities do you prioritize? What have you dropped to make time for what’s important?
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