Today I am writing about emotional intrusion and how we could seize more happiness after our strokes or illnesses. At first, after my brain aneurysm, I was “just alive” -- and after time, about one year or more, I became happier and satisfied about my new life than I was before. How did this happen?
I lost my speech totally—I had aphasia—and I couldn’t tell anyone how I was feeling. It was frustrating and I felt very sad and lost. The hospital psychologist mentioned to my husband to get me some anti-depression pills, which they believed could help me over time. I wasn’t happy but I couldn’t say anything at that time. So, my thoughts and my speech were only mine and finally, after time, I could tell my husband and my doctor that I didn’t want them anymore. I had realized that those pills would not help me over time but I could really help myself to be contented doing things that would help me to be my cheerful self.Losing my work was very traumatic because I was a psychologist who loved my work—helping families and children. Over time, I figured out what kinds of things would make me happier—music, nature, gardening, understanding my roots and the wealth of my knowledge, and the people I enjoyed and loved in my world.
After my brain aneurysm, the right side of my brain was more creative than it was before—which helped me to understand classical music and other music. It was so exciting to go to the symphony or listen to the radio or CD’s, enjoying more plays or musical entertainments. This was the first time in my life that I really enjoyed classical music and it amazed me what the composers went through to write music. Staying in the hospital for three months, I had the time to learn that I am more artistic now—painting pictures and writing poems. After getting home, I went to art therapy classes to understand myself and how I could help others through art. One of the things that I grasped was--on the days when I felt so low and sad, I could put on some music or watch a movie that would be me happy or laughing or crying—whichever I needed that day or week.
Besides enjoying painting and listening to music, I started to enjoy nature more than before. I noticed nature like weather (sunny, windy, raining, snowy), birds (big and little, chirping or making a racket), animals (dogs, cats, squirrels, deer, moose, muskrats, etc.) around me and my new world. It was exhilarating and breath-taking. I enjoyed nature because I was walking with my dogs every day, no matter whether the weather was great or miserable.
Next, I realized that gardening and growing flowers and vegetables would make me happy. Growing things makes me realize that everything has a purpose—even me. When I watch my flowers and vegetables growing, it makes me appreciate that although I had changed because my experience—other people do change as well. I also recognized that winter is cold and long here so I decided to plant some crocuses and daffodils in the fall so they can come up early in the spring. Oh joy! It makes me so happy to see flowers when the grass is not even green!
Next week, I will continue writing about my emotional journey but I would like to hear from others. What do you to make yourself happy and fulfilled? What makes you sad? Are you alone or lonely? Please send your comments and questions by e-mail: SSTattler or "Post a Comment" at the end of this article. Maybe we can brainstorm to help you find other outlets…
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