Saturday, October 18, 2014

Fitting Into Cracks Can Be Painful

Rebecca Dutton
Home After a Stroke
October 4, 2014

I learned everyone has deficits when I took a course to become certified to administer tests for Sensory Integration.  My lab partner was in graduate school, but she had to look in the answer book to grade a visual test designed for children.  This made me realize that able-bodied people have so many assets they can compensate for their weaknesses without being aware of it.

A stroke puts deficits in my face.  One example is volunteering to be the Chair of Receiving at my church's Spring Sale.  I can purchase and organize supplies such as price stickers and tape, but I cannot carry them from the office up to the 1st floor when the Spring Sale begins.  I can give my Receiving crew instructions about what to do when donations arrive, but I cannot help transport the donations.  I tried carrying donations to rooms on the 1st floor, but ended up with back spasms because walking repeatedly without a cane makes me lurch side-to-side.  Not being able to carry donations to rooms downstairs is a slap in the face.  I used to be a therapist who lifted paralyzed people out of wheelchairs and now I cannot trust my hemiplegic arm to hold onto objects when I walk up or down stairs.  Asking people to do this for me is a repeated reminder that I am disabled -- a fact I can put out of my mind when I use a cart to transport objects around my one-story house.

Volunteering to help the Citizens Climate Lobby (CCL) is equally convoluted.  I have had six letters about climate change published in my local paper.  I love the challenge of writing 200 word letters. It is close as I will ever get to writing poetry where every word counts.  But I am disappointed that I cannot participate in rallies because I cannot walk safely in crowds that do not sit down.

Finding things I can and cannot do is a trial-and-error process after I volunteer.  Sometimes it is hard for me to remember to be grateful that there are parts of a job I can do.  I am still learning how to explain this problem to others without sounding like I am whining.  Feeling useful takes a lot more work these days...




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