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| Diane The Pink House On The Corner |
Folks have been asking how am I doing? And my normal response is "hanging in there", though some days I don't seem to be doing even that (hanging) to well...
This blog has turned into a "dog blog" because Kona is the only positive thing in my life at the moment.
I am still deep in an ocean of grief. Truth be told, I am not doing so well. Physically, I am visibly trembling. Often nauseous. Still vomiting some mornings. Emotionally, I am afraid -- of what? everything, it seems. Driving is a big one. Shopping, too, has triggered huge panic attacks for me. Even afraid to write, to spill out my heart and soul. I feel so emotionally paralyzed. It's hard to describe, but some days I am afraid to even pick up the phone. And I still haven't called any of the nursing homes to schedule a visit with Kona...
Most days, I hide in the house. Keep the shades pulled down.
This is so unlike me -- the former me, who used to be so outgoing, that me seems to have disappeared into the vast beyond along with Bob. I do not recognize this person I've become.
Grief groups have come to a halt, though five us meet for lunch now, but unfortunately the talk often revolves around things like hearing aids! ha! and I feel so young compared to these other widows...
I am seeing a grief counselor, one on one, through Hospice. I'm not sure if it's helping much. She (the therapist) thinks I should see an actual psychiatrist (who can prescribe meds, etc.) so I did call around and booked an appointment, but no one has openings until January ....
I am going to ask Kona's dog trainer if there is something we can teach Kona to do, to calm my nerves when I get this way... make her into an actual "psychological support dog" for me.
Meanwhile, one day at a time...
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