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| Robin Rocky Mountain Stroke Survivors |
I’ve heard about mindfulness for years… always some sort of mumbo-jumbo about how I should be centered in the moment and be okay with whatever happened. Emptying your mind of anything but the present. Even instructions on how to do this were never helpful to me. I’d try to control my thoughts and they’d always come back. Or I’d try to just let them be and not try to do anything with them but then they’d control me.
About a month ago, I ran across a book that spoke to my current situation better than any other. The Reality Slap: Finding Peace and Fulfillment When Life Hurts by Russ Harris actually explains mindfulness in a way that makes sense to my western-steeped brain and teaches step-by-step how to be present with your emotions without letting them rule your life. The author points out that in our culture, we are taught to either control our emotions or let them control us; we are not taught any other way of having feelings, especially the big feelings about big things. He teaches a third way: being compassionately interested in our emotions and sensations without getting swept away by them. Sounded impossible to me before reading his book, but I’m learning how.
The title of the book comes from the concept of a reality gap, the space between how things are and how one wants them to be. Sometimes a reality gap can be closed through your own actions (for example, by working more hours to earn more money) but sometimes there is nothing anyone can do about a reality gap (for example, having a stroke, getting a divorce, or someone dying). Mindfulness is about continuing to exist while living with a reality gap. The reality slap is the sudden event that starts a gap… the stroke, the diagnosis, the phone call, the summons. It’s when life smacks you up-side the head.
What made this book stand out for me even more than the clear and interesting writing was the fact that the author has suffered a reality slap. His only child was diagnosed with autism after months of evaluations for significant developmental delays. The author is not just some expert touting his specialty, he’s a human being who suffered a terrible reality gap. Honestly, I’d rather suffer all sorts of things myself than let anything bad happen to my children.
What books have helped you most in dealing with the unexpected in your life?
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